So, Actual Traffic

I have noticed this thing that seems to happen…maybe it is a uniquely Alberta problem, though I doubt it. Normal, sane people get behind the wheel of their vehicle and turn into self-indulgent, ignorant idiots. Now that seem harsh but bear with me a minute. I am not alone in thinking this, but I am also not alone when I say I am in the majority here. The other day I realized, I was about to miss my exit on the freeway, I cut across a lane of traffic and several cars to ensure I did in fact make it. My thinking was “oh man, I don’t want to have to go the long way to my destination”. But imagine you were in one of the other vehicles, the ones I cut off? What were they thinking? Probably that I am a big jerk selfishly cutting them off, and they are not wrong, in fact that is exactly true. Rather than inconvenience myself, I almost caused an accident. Now in my day to day, non-driving life, I would not even consider doing something like this, and I bet you wouldn’t either. If someone came up to you and said, “rather than cause an accident, could you take a slightly longer route?” I would say “sure”. But put me behind the wheel and somehow I decide my convenience and my route is way more important than anyone else’s.

That is not all, I don’t get the people that see that all the vehicles are in the right hand (or left hand) lane to merge up the road and they decide to drive as far as they can in the ending lane to cut in at the last minute and effectively cut the line. None of these people would do this in a movie line or at the DMV, but put them in a car and they feel entitled or something. It is as if we feel protected by the steel around us and invisible and so we can act in abhorrent ways and selfish ways, because no one will recognize us.

I live in a little town with a bunch of 4 way stops and I decided this year to just let the other guy go first. You know every time I pull up and it is close to a tie and you can’t decide if it is your turn or not, so in the past, I would just go, but I decided to just wave the other guy through this year. What a change in attitude it has made in all of my driving. I made a concerted effort to change one aspect of my driving and it has changed other ways. I wonder of we all decided to just slow down a bit and let others in, let others have the right of way, let other’s lives take precedent over yours for just a second, what would happen.

I doubt I am gonna start a movement with my little blog, but I am going to say, at least I can stop contributing to the madness, I am gonna be a better, more courteous driver. How about you?

Advertisements
Posted in Self Help, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

So, Traffic

I got into a traffic problem the other day. I didn’t initially cause the traffic problem, that was caused by someone breaking really early to turn right off a highway and a guy going really too fast and following too close behind me as I followed “early breaker”. I think that paints a nice picture of what happened, but then, and this is the bad part, I added to “mr. driving too fast, following too close’s” day. What I did was take my time getting back up to speed when I knew he couldn’t pass. This is not good. I am not happy with myself.

You see, it is easy to self-justify. It is easy to say, well that guy had it coming almost plowing into by rear bumper because he was too close and driving too fast, but the truth is, I was being stupid and petty. I hate that I am like that sometimes, but it is sadly true. I added to this man’s bad day by being a jerk myself. I don’t know what might have been going on in his life, perhaps he was rushing to the hospital because his child was sick, perhaps he was late for an crucial meeting where he might get fired if he was late, perhaps he was just a follow too close, drive too fast, jerk.

The point is, for me, I want to hold myself to a higher standard than that. I don’t want to be the guy that made someone else’s day worse. I want to be the guy who made someone else’s day better. I don’t think I am that guy though. At best I am a made someone else’s day exactly the same as before kind of guy. Ever meet someone who just made you smile, who made your day better? Maybe they didn’t even do anything earth shattering, but yet your mood was lifted. Oh, I long to be that kind of person, but I don’t think I am. I think that I could be if I was just a little more attentive to others’ moods, to other people’s feelings, less attentive to myself perhaps.

I think the world would be better, if we all did that. If we all just paid a little more attention and concern for the other people we encounter, even when we are surrounded by 3200 pounds of car or 8500 pounds of truck, but especially when we are surrounded by nothing more than our own air of insecurity and self-centeredness (side note…apparently self-centeredness isn’t a word…who knew). The fact that I didn’t have a great night’s sleep is no excuse to treat others poorly, it just isn’t. Why make my problems someone else’s problems? this seems like it should be common sense, but it isn’t.

Life is about this stuff, it is about being kind to others, it is about not puffing up yourself above others whether warranted or not. Seriously, I am not better than other people, I just am not. My problems are not more important than theirs. I think the time has come for me to be an adult and show some care and concern for other people, instead of focusing on myself all the time.Don’t get me wrong, I am still wearing a t-shirt and flip flops at work, I’m not growing up that much. I am just going to try to make my little , teensy (side note, I gues teensy isn’t a word either) corner of the globe slightly better by being nicer to the people I meet…. starting tomorrow! Just kidding, starting today, starting now in fact. Join me, won’t you?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

So, 50

Well I just turned 50.

This is an interesting experience. I don’t feel different, I wondered if at some point I would panic and start to feel…I dunno…weird? But I don’t. Still just me, a guy who can’t quite figure out the secret to life. I mean I am getting through life, but not getting it, you know?

Anyway, I though I would ruminate a little, just some observations about things…

  1. 50 is just a number, I am really only 1 day older.
  2. Some of my shirts don’t fit well anymore (though this has less to do with 50 and more to do with potato chips).
  3. It’s like a club, hopefully we all get to join at some point, so it’s not too exclusive.
  4. I still don’t like sports cars…I mean I don’t get them at all, why? Why do you need to be able to go 4 times the speed limit and reach that speed at 5 Gs? The seats are uncomfortable, they don’t have compartments for my reading glasses (or maybe they do, I’ve never had one). I am clueless about this.
  5. I love my wife, she is amazing, I don’t get after all the time she has put into me why anyone (specifically me) would want to change, I sure don’t and I pray to God she never does either.
  6. Ice Cream is delicious. ( I know this has nothing to do with 50, but still…true fact).
  7. So are oatmeal raisin cookies.
  8. I have a jar on my desk that is 2000 years old, 50 is nothing to that jar.
  9. I think fighting in hockey is barbaric and stupid…you are professional athletes paid millions of dollars…grow up, don’t try to intentionally hurt each other and show the skill that got you there, cause an awful lot of Canadians would happily take your place.
  10. Somebody needs to explain DJs to me. They are not the artists, they take the artists work and add a beat to it. Why do they get credit for that? Aloe Blacc is amazing, so why does Aviccii get the credit for Aloe’s amazing song? I mean, I can’t add a frame around a Picasso and call it my painting. Can I?
  11. Yes, I am old and grumpy, but then I was young and grumpy before so its not like it’s a new thing. I actually think I am getting mellower (Is that a word?)
  12. I do go to bed earlier now, but I am not sure it’s a function of being older so much as getting up earlier.
  13. I still don’t get supper at 4:00 – that is afternoon people!
  14. I also don’t get supper at 8:00 pm.
  15. I think Michael Strahan was/is great and Kelly Ripa was wrong to treat him badly because he made a career move. I know that has nothing to do with being 50, but I think it anyway.
  16. How are watches making a comeback as a fashion statement? Really, how?
  17. I think Justin Trudeau is a pompous jerk…but he is still better than any alternative available at this time.
  18. I love watching the American election, makes me feel a teeny bit better about our own politics.
  19. Steak is good! I could never be a vegetarian, I don’t have a problem with them, I just couldn’t do it myself.
  20. I think Earls is lying to everyone, they haven’t switched back to Canadian beef and they aren’t going to…they just think it will blow over…which it probably will…sigh.

Well, that is by no means exhaustive, but enough for now. 50 is fun, the world has changed so much in the last 50 years, I can’t wait for the next 50.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

So, Zero

Some days you just start at an energy level way above normal, I mean you are ready to get it all done, you are thinking clearly, focused, accomplishing everything on your list and it isn’t even time for a coffee break yet…I mean a pretty great day, you did so much this morning why not go golfing this afternoon (or skiing for those inflicted with “winter-love” sickness). But then, then there are those other days. I don’t mean normal days, where you feel fine, get stuff done, leave work and are tired but okay.

I mean those terrible, start at zero, days. The days when picking your clothes is a monumental task. Those days where making a decision seems to take everything you have. You go to work, and sit at your desk feeling exactly like Peter Gibbons in the movie “Office Space”. Those days where meetings suck the very life out of you, those days where at the end of the day, you can barely get out to your car, never mind get ready for a hectic home life. Maybe you are a student and learning something is absolutely beyond your ability. Getting through the day takes a marathon running-like expenditure.

Some people will never understand this, but for those of us that have those days, it is hard to know what to do…I mean, I’m not sick, but I’m not well either. Staying home doesn’t help, but at least it is less energy output.

I know someone who is going through this right now, I mean this very day, and probably about 3 times a week, she is at zero to start her day. I feel for her, I know what it is like to be at zero and see the Everest like mountain of a day ahead of me. She is a student, and has to overcome the zero to accomplish something everyday. It seems impossible some days, but this is her life right now.

Some of you will immediately think of depression and medication and you would be right, but that doesn’t help her today, at best changing medication (especially anti-depression medication) takes 6-8 weeks to see real change. So she is left with zero today. I want to take her load, but learning isn’t something you can do for someone else, I can ease the pressure for today, but not for the week, and anything not done today is still there tomorrow.

All I can do, and it seems so woefully useless, is understand, is stand with her (okay sit beside her, cause really standing takes energy too) and say, I get it, I’m here, I care. It is not enough, but it is more than nothing, and maybe, just maybe, my support will help her to feel a little better than zero, cause zero, well it just plain sucks.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

So, Nothing

My wife walked in on me doing nothing the other day. I immediately had to pretend I was doing something because women (or at least my wife anyway) don’t appreciate doing nothing. She asked me what I was doing, I have tried replying nothing before and it never goes well for me. Being unappreciative of my doing nothingness, she makes me go do something. This is the sort of thing I was doing nothing to avoid doing, if you follow me here.

This particular nothing looked a lot like playing a game on my phone, but doing nothing looks like a lot of different things on different days. Sometimes my Doing nothing looks like watching a bad tv show or a movie I have seen several times before, or playing a computer game, or a phone game or staring into space, or reading a book, or well nothing. It is my escape from all the somethings in the world. I enjoy doing nothing. My wife, not so much with the nothing doing.

Now she sees this as being lazy, but it is not lazy. I am doing something, its called nothing. My nothing time is really important to me. I love my nothing time. I could do nothing for significant portions of  the day.

My wife asks what I am thinking, “nothing”…and I mean it. I’m not thinking about anything really, just letting my mind wander to its weird places. That is also a wrong answer, met with much suspicion, as if I could get into serious trouble just thinking. I believe my track record of successfully doing nothing despite all the somethings I could do, indicate that even if I was concocting a sophisticated bank robbery plan, my love of doing nothing (and my total inability to pull that sort of thing off) would stop me anyway.

They don’t call them sweet nothings for no reason.

Ok, I’m off to do nothing, you should join me.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

So, Work and Love

My friend recently posted this article in response to this article. It is interesting to hear the backlash to the concept of doing what you love as work. Both articles discuss how finding what you love to do, and then doing that for work is terrible advice. I don’t agree.

First let me say that there is nothing whatsoever with doing a job to feed, clothe and house yourself and your family. I would say there is nobility in doing it in a job you dislike, or maybe simply don’t love to do.

Too often workers nowadays simply put in hours, there is no attempt to be a better employee, we just don’t think that way. The problem is, that is the trade off. I give my employer my time, my hours, my effort, and they give me money. If my employer isn’t happy with my work, they can stop the arrangement, if I don’t like the deal, I can also stop the arrangement. Of course you stopping it comes with the problem of now having no money. Since your employer has the money that you want to get, doing things the way they want them done is kind of the point of being the employee.

There are good employers and bad ones, and many, many in between ones, but the arrangement is still the same. You trade with each other. Money for work. More employees should learn this early, it makes life at work so much better when you grasp the concept behind it, less griping about life being unfair to you. It isn’t, or at least not more unfair than it is to everyone.

What does this have to do with doing what you love? Well here is the thing. If you have something that you love to do, and you are good at doing it, then you should try and do that to make money. It is not always possible, that’s okay, you can still do what you love, but you’ll  have to do something else for money. I think of it this way, what are you passionate about? Are you skilled at it? If those 2 line up, you will probably make money at it, or at least make a living. If they don’t line up, you may still get by doing what you love, or you could do what you are skilled at but don’t love.

I am gifted at organization, I just don’t like doing it much, I see flow and process easily and have without much thought, helped others fix issues. Now if I was passionate about it, I could make it into a business and with some hard work and maybe a little luck, do well at it. I just don’t want to do that for a living. Instead I have chosen to do something I am passionate about and I work hard to get more skilled at it.

I have an 18 year old daughter who is just deciding what to take in school, what she wants to try to do for a living. It is kind of cool to see it unfolding. My advice for her is simply this, you are young, you have lots of time, chase what you love, try to do that, who knows maybe you will be one of the fortunate people who are really good at what they love and you will lead a lovely fulfilling life. If not, no worries, lots of actual jobs out there, where you can do what you love on the side.

I hate it when well meaning people tell her to try something sensible, or tell others to “get a trade then you have something to fall back on”. Don’t shot to fall back, shoot for what you love, if you fall back, well okay, time enough to get a trade, or flip burgers, or whatever. Time enough. I am on my 6th (and best) career. I have learned things along the way, but I truly wish someone had nudged me towards my passion early in life, maybe, just maybe I could have made it work.

So tell those people, those well meaning, ignorant people, “thank you for your advice, I’m gonna go and live my own life, make my own mistakes and try to fly where my passion leads.”

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

So, Change the world?

I just read my friend’s blog post about changing the world. Read it here. Now, I hate to disagree with one of my writing heroes, well I hate to disagree with anybody, which is ironical because I am very, very good at it. What was I saying? Oh yeah Scott’s post about how Edward Snowden changed the world and how good that is. Here is the thing, I can’t. I really can’t change the world, and I don’t really think Snowden did that. I think he stood up and told the truth and that will have an effect, but I doubt it will be a long term effect, I doubt Snowden will be anything but a Jeopardy question under the category “Obscure things that happened in 2013”.

I don’t think the world changes that easily. No why I think that, because people, not individuals mind you, but the great unwashed masses, people are stupid. They are cattle, they follow, they watch crappy tv shows and go to crappy movies, cause “fast cars smashing into things are cool”. Really, I really heard that from a guy I know. The world can change if people change, but I can’t do that either, I can’t change the world, and I can”t change people. What I can do, slowly and with great effort and pain and many, many, many setbacks, is change me. I have to really want to change, I have to really commit to change,, I have to really work at it and be prepared to fail, and be prepared that people around me won’t give me any benefit of the doubt or even believe the change.

Given all of that, though, I can still do it, I can change me. I can be better tomorrow than I am today, infinitesimally better. No one will notice, I might not even notice, but every infinitesimal step adds up and the end result is a minute change, then those add up into small changes, which in turn add up to bigger changes and the end result is, I won’t crave pizza every second of the day, but only at meal times.

Okay, that isn’t true, that is not even a change I want to make, but the idea is true, and I have slowly over time managed to change me. The change is noticeable if you’ve known me a long time. I hope that the changes affect people around me for the better, and maybe they will change themselves too. Not in a way, I pick but in a way they pick, and area they think is important to change, and maybe as we each infinitesimally change ourselves the world will too. and maybe just maybe furious 8 won’t make billions upon billions of dollars, okay it will, but maybe Furious 38 won’t. Maybe slowly we will care about each other more than about spying on each other, more than going to a movie, more than whether I get to my destination 2 minutes earlier by cutting you off.

Don’t try to change the world, but please join me, try to change you…for the better… for ever…it is worth it.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment