Life is full of choices.
Small meaningless ones, like what kind of coffee, or what to order in a restaurant, which route to take to the store, etc. We have gotten used to the huge number of choices, it is one of the things that happens in our society today. Most of these choices mean nothing, but what they do is suck up our time and energy. We no longer choose to do important things, we allow ourselves to be sucked along with whatever comes up.
We rarely choose what our lives are going to be about, or at least I don’t. I simply go along with whatever course I have been on since my last major decision, which come about fairly rarely. I don’t check and see if I am really doing what I should be, or want to be, I just keep going. I am an energizer bunny, but without the energy. I don’t want to be that person, but can’t seem to stop. I want my life to be focused, to be true, to be somehow “right”. I just don’t know how to get there. I feel like I am on the wrong path, but I have no idea whatsoever where the right path is. At some time in the past I did know, but now I am not so sure I am on it.
I feel like I am driving on this highway at 120 km/hour I can see in the distance the mountains that are my goal, but in between, I cannot see if my road connects to them, for all I know the next dip in the road hides a curve that will lead me away from them. I feel lost and I don’t even know if I can make a better choice. It makes me disconsolate. I wish for better choices, wiser choices. I am tired of simply choosing a latte, when I could be making a life choice.
If I am at “A” and I want to be at “G”, do I need to go through B,C,D,E,and F to get there, or is there another way, that I cannot see. I am lost, and so I just continue trudging towards “B”… I hope that is the next step, but I am no longer sure. My next choice could be huge, but probably will be whether or not to get to work, or get a cup of coffee…sigh.