I was recently on a canoe trip with several friends. It was one of those guy trips where people make fun of each other and make rude comments and help each other out where necessary, a sort of male bonding ritual. I may or may not have expressed before that I am quite sarcastic and I used it to great extent on this trip.
Now I think that for the most part everyone had fun, and lots of verbal “shots” were taken by everyone. One night around the campfire one of the men commented to his brother about me, “everything he says is mean, haven’t you noticed?”
The comment wasn’t meant as anything big, it was in a way a put down of the brother, but it really hit me hard. I don’t want to be mean and I definitely don’t want people to think I am mean. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I am kind of mean. I certainly am very good at it, if it is not a defining trait, it easily could be. Do I want it to be though? Is that how I want people to remember me?
The challenge for me is that I don’t know how to be a part of a group like that without being sarcastic and funny and well…mean. I need to learn though, I need to change this part of me. I really like those guys, a few of them are more important to me than I will ever be able to express. yet, I put them down, and perhaps, just perhaps, hurt someone when I meant to be funny.
I don’t have a solution about how to change this part of me, and my relationships in these settings, but I do know that today is the only day I can begin to change, and so today I will begin. I will accept advice from anyone, because I am simply lost in this regard…suggestions anyone?