So, Nothing

My wife walked in on me doing nothing the other day. I immediately had to pretend I was doing something because women (or at least my wife anyway) don’t appreciate doing nothing. She asked me what I was doing, I have tried replying nothing before and it never goes well for me. Being unappreciative of my doing nothingness, she makes me go do something. This is the sort of thing I was doing nothing to avoid doing, if you follow me here.

This particular nothing looked a lot like playing a game on my phone, but doing nothing looks like a lot of different things on different days. Sometimes my Doing nothing looks like watching a bad tv show or a movie I have seen several times before, or playing a computer game, or a phone game or staring into space, or reading a book, or well nothing. It is my escape from all the somethings in the world. I enjoy doing nothing. My wife, not so much with the nothing doing.

Now she sees this as being lazy, but it is not lazy. I am doing something, its called nothing. My nothing time is really important to me. I love my nothing time. I could do nothing for significant portions of  the day.

My wife asks what I am thinking, “nothing”…and I mean it. I’m not thinking about anything really, just letting my mind wander to its weird places. That is also a wrong answer, met with much suspicion, as if I could get into serious trouble just thinking. I believe my track record of successfully doing nothing despite all the somethings I could do, indicate that even if I was concocting a sophisticated bank robbery plan, my love of doing nothing (and my total inability to pull that sort of thing off) would stop me anyway.

They don’t call them sweet nothings for no reason.

Ok, I’m off to do nothing, you should join me.

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